Abortion: A Man's Perspective (4/13/05)
by Dean Hartwell
Several years ago, I was talking with a female acquaintance. We were friends, though not particularly close, so it came as a bit of a shock when she told me she was pregnant.
She went on to say that her boyfriend was not happy about it. He wanted her to have an abortion.
She told me that she had already had one and didn’t want to go through it again. The experience still haunted her.
On the other hand, she also had a young daughter whom she was having trouble supporting as a single mother. Her mother, who cared for the daughter quite a bit of the time, wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of another child as her time was stretched.
Other people had weighed in. One friend told her that her situation was like a farmer who only had five pennies and it cost one penny to support each for the children he had. In other words, my acquaintance could not afford to have another child.
Other friends were advising her not to have an abortion. They discussed the morality of taking the chance at life of a fetus.
So now she turned to me for advice. “What should I do?” she asked.
I had no experience in this regard. I only had my beliefs on the matter as a political issue. Abortion, I thought, should be legal. I didn’t like the idea of the government interfering with what was a personal decision.
But now the issue was no longer abstract. It was real and right in front of me.
I told her that it was her decision to make and that no one should make it for her. If she wanted to keep the baby, I said, she should not be swayed by a boyfriend reluctant to support it. She had legal ways to force him to pay child support, if necessary.
And her mother, I pointed out, would warm to the new grandchild as soon as she held him or her in her arms. She would gladly baby-sit for her.
As for the friend with the farmer analogy, I told my acquaintance that there was another way to look at the situation. Instead of feeling restricted to having five pennies, she could find another one.
In the end, she decided to keep the baby, a boy. I was happy for her decision. But I was even happier at how the decision was made. A woman with an unwanted pregnancy did not have to yield to the government’s answer to the problem. She was free to consult with family and friends and anyone else she wanted to talk to. She had a choice to make and she made it.